I Wish I Had Someone to Talk To About Whether I Really Belong Here
A nurse wondering if she belongs
I don't remember exactly what happened that day.
Maybe I forgot something.
Maybe another nurse seemed to have all the answers while I was still trying to figure things out.
Maybe I had gone home replaying every decision I'd made that shift.
What I do remember is the question that quietly followed me to my car.
"Do I really belong here?"
I never said those words out loud.
But I carried them with me.
If you've ever wondered the same thing, I want you to know something before we go any further.
You're not the only nurse who's asked that question.
Let’s dive in!
“I’ve studied so hard…”
Sometimes We Mistake Being New for Not Belonging
When you're a new nurse, everything feels like evidence.
If you ask a question...
You must not know enough.
If you need help...
You must not be ready.
If another nurse finishes faster...
You must not be cut out for this.
Our minds become expert at collecting proof that we don't belong while completely ignoring the evidence that we do.
The truth is, being new and not belonging are two very different things.
Every experienced nurse you admire once stood exactly where you are.
Belonging Doesn't Come From Knowing Everything
Some nurses believe they'll finally belong after they stop making mistakes.
Others think it'll happen after six months.
Or after a year.
Or after they become charge nurse.
The finish line keeps moving.
Here's what I've learned after more than forty years in nursing.
You don't belong because you know everything.
You belong because you care enough to keep learning.
You belong because you stay curious.
You belong because you ask questions instead of pretending.
You belong because your patients matter to you.
Knowledge grows.
Character is what carries you through.
Rhoda Sommer, your mentor.
What I See as a Mentor
One of the greatest privileges of mentoring nurses is watching something change that has nothing to do with clinical skills.
In the beginning, many nurses apologize before they ask a question.
They second-guess every decision.
They compare themselves to everyone around them.
Then, little by little, something changes.
They start trusting their assessments.
They begin speaking with more confidence.
They advocate for their patients without rehearsing every word first.
The interesting part?
Most of them don't even realize it's happening.
Sometimes I have to stop them and say,
"Do you hear yourself? Six weeks ago you wouldn't have answered that question this confidently."
Sometimes someone else can see your growth before you can.
Coffee with Rhoda
☕ Coffee with Rhoda
One of the conversations I have most often isn't about medications or clinical judgment.
It's about belonging.
Sometimes nurses simply need another nurse to look them in the eye and remind them,
"You belong here."
Not because you're perfect.
Not because you've mastered everything.
But because you're showing up, learning, growing, and refusing to give up.
Those are the nurses our profession needs.
Reflection Corner
Take a few quiet minutes and ask yourself:
What makes me think I don't belong?
Is that thought based on facts or fear?
What evidence have I overlooked that shows I've grown?
What would I tell another new nurse who felt this way?
Why is it so much easier to believe in someone else than it is to believe in myself?
Sometimes the advice we give others is exactly what we need to hear ourselves.
If you're waiting for someone to tap you on the shoulder and officially announce that you belong in nursing...
That moment probably isn't coming.
Instead, one ordinary shift, you'll notice something.
You'll answer a question without second-guessing yourself.
You'll recognize a patient's condition sooner than you used to.
You'll comfort a family without wondering if you're saying the right thing.
You'll help another new nurse who reminds you of yourself.
And you'll realize something that had been quietly growing all along.
You belonged long before you felt like you did.
Confidence didn't give you a place in nursing.
It simply allowed you to see the place you already had.
There are some conversations every nurse wishes they'd had sooner.
Thank you for sharing these conversations with me this month.
And if no one has told you lately...
I'm glad you're here.
Our profession is better because you're part of it.
CTA If this blog felt like it was written just for you, let's have a conversation.
Coffee with Rhoda was created for moments exactly like this. Sometimes you don't need another lecture—you just need another nurse to remind you that you're doing better than you think.
I'd love to spend some time getting to know you.
Rhoda Sommer, RN, MSN Ed
Founder, One on One Tips
You CAN do this!
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Comment below!
Share your stories in the comments or reach out—I’d love to hear from you.
What makes me think I don't belong?
Is that thought based on facts or fear?
What evidence have I overlooked that shows I've grown?
What would I tell another new nurse who felt this way?
Why is it so much easier to believe in someone else than it is to believe in myself?
For seasoned nurses, do you have any tips or advice for other new nurses?
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Let’s build that together.
